All His Fault
by NRC
Summary: His life was a complicated web of lies and infidelity. His heart had been broken more than once. Will it ever heal? One-shot. FIC CHALLENGE.


**AN: _All recognisable characters belong to J.K. Rowling.  
_**

**

* * *

**

He was stupid. That was really the bottom line of this whole mess. His mistakes, his faults. His father had always told him to clean up after himself. He didn't know how to clean this mess.

_I think you can do much better than me_

_After all the lies that I made you believe_

He held a hand over his eyes as Tracey Davis vomited in the toilet. He'd slept with her all of one drunken night, and now he had hell to pay for.

All of one night. He hadn't even enjoyed it. He felt no attraction or affection whatsoever for the girl in his Head Boy bathroom right now, and he was pretty sure she felt nothing for him either.

_Guilt kicks in and I start to see_

_The edge of the bed where your nightgown used to be_

The face in his mind's eye wasn't haughty and proud, it was soft and gentle. Her eyes weren't lightning blue, but chocolate brown, and her hair not ink black, but golden brown.

The face in his mind was the one he loved, not the one emerging from the bathroom. The face he was _really_ looking at wasn't scrunched in disgust; it was scrunched in pain.

_I told myself I won't miss you_

_But I remember_

_What it feels like beside you_

He wiped away his tears as the girl behind him snorted.

"Stop being such a moony bastard," she snapped harshly. "You made your choice."

"Hardly," he said weakly. "It was a stupid mistake, being influenced by alcohol. Now the freaking Pureblood law says I have to marry you."

The girl rolled her eyes behind his back. "I'm about as thrilled as you are."

He turned to face her, his face torn by anguish. "Why can't you have it aborted? It's a mistake, both of us. Save us grief and pain!"

She pushed her furious face closer to his. "I'm appalled you'd even _think_ about that," she hissed.

She stomped away as Theo held his face in his face in his hands, dry sobs racking his body. Only two words were on his mind as he let his grief pour out.

Katie Bell.

_I really miss your hair on my face_

_And the way your innocence tastes_

_And I think you should know this_

_You deserve much better than me_

* * *

Theo sobbed a little as he lifted his _n_th glass of Firewhisky. His little trip into Diagon Alley, trying to fix his broken heart a little, had killed it just that bit more.

_I have nothing left to give_

_I have found the perfect end_

He had seen _her_ working at Quality Quidditch Supplies. She looked much like he'd seen her last, minus the tears and most of the pain. She seemed apprehensive of talking to him, and Theo understood completely. What was a lover to say to a lover who impregnated then married another girl?

At first, that was what he thought her reason was. But as the bell of the shop tinkled, signalling someone's entry, he found out why.

_You were made to make it hurt_

_Disappear into the dirt_

It was a little boy, maybe three years old, and he was shouting excitedly, "Mummy, mummy!"

And _she_ had picked him up and lovingly asked what he wanted.

Theo didn't even shiver as alcohol coursed down his throat.

_Carry me to heaven's arms_

_Light the way and let me go_

_Take the time to take my breath_

_I will end where I began_

Maybe he'd have felt a little more happiness if the boy resembled him. More guilt, but less pain. But the little boy wasn't his. Katie had admitted that she'd been with McLaggen while she and Theo had secretly been together. But she was a half-blood, and Pureblooded McLaggen wanted nothing to do with her when he found out.

Maybe it didn't matter whose child it was. Just the fact that she had to raise a child, unbeknownst to him, was enough. She raised the child by herself, knocked up in high school. Pain and guilt was added to Theo's already full plate.

_And I will find the enemy within_

_Because I can feel it crawl beneath my skin_

A hand landed on his shoulder, turning him around. He was met by the cool face of Draco Malfoy.

"Afternoon, Nott," he drawled. Upon seeing Theo's state, he asked, "Merlin, what happened to you?"

Seeing Draco's familiar face, Theo laughed. Oh, how ironic it was that he would be here, tonight of all nights. What a way to spend the night drowning his sorrows.

"How good a shag was Davis?" Theo asked. At Draco's perplexed expression, he repeated, "How good a shag was Davis? D'you even remember? Seventh Year?"

Realisation dawned on Draco's pale face, and he said, "How did you find out about that?"

Theo laughed again, sounding crazier by the minute. "Because our daughter is the spitting image of _you_!"

_Dear agony_

_Just let go of me_

_Suffer slowly_

_Is this the way it's got to be?_

_Dear agony_

"She used me from the fucking start," Theo shouted gleefully, clutching the bottle as he poured himself another glass. "Knew you were betrothed to lovely Astoria, yet slept with you, got a kid, then slept with me so she could make _me_ the daddy!"

Draco stared at his friend in shock. Flabbergast. He had a daughter with another girl _while_ he was betrothed? Deep shit.

Beside him, Theo was still mumbling. "Used me, fucking bitch."

_Suddenly the lights go out_

_Let forever drag me down_

* * *

Theo was sick of fighting. He'd been doing it for the last four years with her, and he was sick of it. He heard the bathroom door slam.

_Every time we lie awake_

_After every hit we take_

He had tried to give her everything she wanted; a house, a comfortable, Pureblood lifestyle, and a doting father to a daughter that wasn't his.

Misae's resemblance to Draco Malfoy was even more striking now that she was four. Her real father had offered Theo money when he stumbled upon his friend in a pub last year, but Theo had declined. He didn't need Malfoy's money.

_Every feeling that I get_

_But I haven't missed you yet_

Four miserable years, but he'd never change a thing. Katie Bell and her little Jasper sometimes cropped into his mind, but he'd stopped trying to image Jasper having his black hair and murky green eyes. Whenever he thought of them now, Jasper stayed his brown-haired, blue-eyed self.

Theo leaned on the doorjamb of Misae's room, thankful of the Silencing charm he'd placed on her room. His little princess would stay unaware of the fights he and Tracey had been having. His mother, Adara, slipped into the room.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, worry in her voice.

He tilted his head to the sleeping girl. "Fine."

"And you and Tracey?" she persisted. She knew their entire back story; what grandmother wouldn't wonder when her granddaughter looked nothing like her father?

Theo sight. "Goodnight, Mother."

_Every room mate kept awake_

_By every sigh and scream we make_

He closed his eyes as he laid on the bed. Tracey was still in the bathroom. Their argument tonight was a new one; where to send Misae for preschool.

Tracey was all for home-school, but he wanted her to meet friends her own age. Theo had hated being home-schooled when he was younger.

But Tracey wouldn't budge. She'd argued that all purebloods were pre-schooled at home. Their argument had escalated into a full-blown shouting match. Somehow, Katie and Jasper Bell, and Draco, Astoria, and Scorpius Malfoy were included in their row; old wounds they knew how to pour salt over.

_All the feelings that I get_

_But I still don't miss you yet_

He remembered the last time they acted like a couple; on a holiday two months ago that Adara Nott insisted they go on. It had been friendly, at least, only light to moderate bickering. Perhaps the old lady wanted them to relax, take a break, and come back on friendlier terms.

She was very sadly mistaken.

On their return, their fights became heavier, more frequent, and nearly every day ended with a shouting match.

_Only when I stop to think about_

He felt the bed sink beside him as she climbed into bed. She seemed a little more peaceful now; her toilet therapy seemed to be working.

"Theo?" she said softly.

"Yeah?" he replied tiredly.

"I'll make you a deal," she said. "I'll let Misae go off to preschool."

He sighed a little. There was always a catch to how they solved their problems. Sometimes, it was his deal; often, it was hers.

_I hate everything about you_

But as long as they were both happy...

"Go on," he said wearily.

She took in a deep breath, before saying in a rush, "If I get to name our baby girl Nyx."

"Fine, fine—WHAT?"

His eyes snapped open to find her smiling at him. And for the first time in four years, Theo's burdened heart soared.

_Why do I love you?_

.

.

.

* * *

**AN:**

Written for Kira Michelle Ekaterina's **Infidelity Challenge**.

I think I need a break from angst. =P

_**Better Than Me**_ by Hinder

_**Dear Agony** _by Breaking Benjamin

**_(I Hate) Everything About You _**by Three Days Grace

**Review your thoughts and opinions.**


End file.
